Booze Is Leah's bestfriend
by Stephycats7785
Summary: Leah wakes up not remembering the events of the previous night. What she never expected to find in her bed was Jacob Black. What exactly happened last night during the reception of Sam and Emily's wedding?


**Title: Booze is Leah's Bestfriend**

**Pairing: Jacob/Leah**

**Rating: T**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight!**

**Summary: Leah wakes up not remembering the events of the previous night. What she never expected to find in her bed was Jacob Black. What exactly happened last night during the reception of Sam and Emily's wedding?**

**AN: This idea kind of popped into my mind and I had to write it. I think it is pretty funny and I hope that you like it! Anyways, please R&R like always!**

**AN2: This story takes place five years after Breaking Dawn. I also want to thank a friend for the line, 'drunk myself stupid.' They told me that one day in a conversation and I knew I had to use that line in a fanfiction. It seemed the perfect thing for Leah to be thinking when she first wakes up.**

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Leah's Pov:

Someone please shut off sun, it's far to bright. Those were my first thoughts upon waking. My second thought was that I really needed a drink. Probably not the smartest thing to do considering it was drinking that caused my current brain busting, stomach rolling, mountian sized headache in the first place.

Slowly, I brought my hands to my head placing them on my temples. I rubbed them for a few moments hoping to clear my mind so I could think. It wasn't enough to clear my brain of the cobwebs completely, but atleast I could now form a whole sentence instead of two words. Good, goal one was reached. I was now able to open my eyes without the world spinning. I stared up at my white ceiling as I tried to recall the events of yesterday.

Sam and Emily had been married yesterday. Well that explained why I had needed a drink in the first place.. I couldn't be expected to survive that happy ceremony sober could I? It wasn't like I didn't deserve to get wasted off my ass. The only man I had ever loved married my cousin. It was no suprise I had drunk myself stupid. That was not even the topper of it all. I was a were-wolf. Well I was actually a shape shifter who took the appearance of a huge grey wolf, but you say tomato and I say tamato.

I was a 25 year old shape shifter, the only one of my kind. My father died from a heart attack that he got from seeing me and my younger brother Seth phase. My ex fiancee married my cousin after imprinting on her. My mother had remarried three years ago. Her husband was police cheif Charlie Swan. His daughter, my now step sister Bella Swan, was a blood sucking vampire just like her husband Edward Cullen. His adopted parents and siblings were also parasites. His father Carlisle was a freaking doctor and his wife Esme was the Dracula version of Martha Stewart.

Their children, as they often called them, were Edward who I already mentioned. He had the power to read your thoughts. You could not keep a secret from him even if you wanted to. I didn't like him reading my thoughts as if they were pages from a book. So whenever he was around I would think of one of my pack brothers being naked. It worked like a charm and he did his best to avoid me and tune my thoughts out. Stupid mind rapist needed to learn to mind his own buisness.

His wife and my step sister Bella was what they called a shield. She could keep other bloodsuckers with special talents from affecting herself and anyone under her shield. She had been human when we met but was turned by Edward after she almost died giving birth to the half mutant freak of a baby they had together. Edward and Bella sure knew how to cause drama. They were like the modern day version of Romeo and Juliet except that they were the living dead.

Alice Cullen could see the future and her husband Jasper Hale could manipulate emotions. The only good thing about Alice's visions was that she was unable to see my kind. We were a blind spot for her and I was grateful for that. I didn't need the overly happy, energenic leech to tell me that my future was crap. I knew that all on my own and I didn't have to look into the future to know it.

Her husband Jasper, really creeped me out. Not only was he covered from head to toe in battle scars from the bloodsucker wars in the South; He could screw around with your emotions. If you were sad he could make you happy. Sure that sounds all fun and games until he uses his power to get rid of your anger. I hated him when he did that. I wanted to be angry, I had a right to be angry. Who was he to tell me that I shouldn't be angry? Fucking emotional bloodsucker couldn't keep his feelings to himself.

The last two Cullen kids were Emmett Cullen and Rosalie Hale. Neither of those two had special talents. Well if you called being extremely bitchy a talent then Rosalie has that. She may be the most beautiful woman on the planet but her attitude was worse than mine. I worked hard for my title of queen bitch and I didn't want some stupid bloodsucking leech to take my glory. She did love to torment Jake so I can give her a little credit I guess. Still, I needed to work on my attitude so I could reclaim my title as queen bitch. Princess bitch just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Her giant of a husband Emmett didn't have a talent, except that he was strong. But hello! Any guy the size of a grizzly bear would be expected to be strong. I was sure I could still take him if I tried. And he if kept making dog jokes about me, I would take him down. For a guy who has been around since before I was born, he was not very smart. You think over the years he would have gained some brains but nope, it didn't turn out that way. A toddler had more brains than gigantor. I mean he purposely tried to piss off a were-wolf. Tell me, where is the smarts in that?

Wow when I listed it all like that, I sounded like a future guest for the Jerry Springer show. I could see it all now in my mind. A viewer would say the wrong thing and one of us wolves would phase and attack them. Then the Cullens would go crazy at the smell of blood and try to make the audience their own buffet table. Wow, that would be a day to remember. I could see the headlines now, 'Remains of Jerry Springer found between the teeth of Forks resident Jasper Hale.' That actually sounded pretty funny in my book. Not sure how well that would go over with the supernatural community members though. Some how I don't think it would be a great way to introduce our world to the humans.

With a sigh, I stretched my arms out as I tried to clear the ache from my muscles. As much as I wanted to sleep all day, I knew that mom and Seth wouldn't allow that. They weren't home right now, they were Charlie's house where my mother lived. (I refused to call Charlie dad.) But I was pretty sure she would send Seth over to check on me. Besides, I couldn't hide in my room forever. I had to deal with the fact that Sam married Emily. The best way to do that was by trying to get on with my life. So getting up and out of bed would be a good start. With a determined groan, I start to sit up, but freeze when my arm smacks into a hard lump.

With a frown I poke the lump and it makes a groaning sound. I don't dare turn my head. I can feel my heart beat double almost instantly. Ok, ok, I had to calm down. I needed to remember what the hell I did last night. I frown in concentration. Ok so I remember arriving at the reception on first beach. So far so good. I furrow my brows as I try to remember more. I do remember drinking, then there was a hazy memory of myself dancing..on a table? I cover my face with my hands. Oh god, what had I done after that?

I wrack my brain as my hands clench the sheet in my grasp. I remember the mind-reader Edward lifting me off the table and insisting we go for a walk to clear my head. I felt as if I would vomit right this second! Please tell me I did not take the leech home! I don't care how much I had drank, it was not ok to fuck a bloodsucker! A married bloodsucker at that. A married parasite who had a kid was even worse! I mean sure he was a looker, all bloodsucking freaks were but that didn't make me fucking him any less wrong.

I was so panicked that I did not take the time to realize that the mind reading leech would never do that. He was to noble for that. yeah, right, noble. I scoff at that. Just because he didn't eat people anymore, that did not make him noble. Plus he was a whiny bitch. And he was wicked bossy. Why on earth would I sleep with someone like that? I don't care how lonely I was, if I had slept with him he must have made his emotional brother twist my emotions around. That or I was more lonely than I thought.

I relaxed when I started to remember more. He had taken me for a walk away from first beach and into the woods but Jake, Embry, Quil, and Paul had been there as well. He must have decided to pawn me off on them. I remember begging and taunting them to race me in wolf form. Finally they agreed because they know I would not shut up until they did. Ok, so I didn't have sex with the leech, what a releif for me. Still, that didn't tell me who I had sex with. I am only guessing I had sex but I was pretty sure I had. I doubt I had a strange guy in my bed because we were playing Yahtzee. So what had happened after that? I frown because I cannot seem to remember more.

I chewed on my bottom lip. I don't remember what happened after I phased back to human form. Damnit! I hope I hadn't done something stupid like fuck Paul. I mean I would rather do the bloodsucker than Paul. Sure he was sexy as hell but he was such a prick that it took away any sexual desire I had for him. Plus he was imprinted on Rachel. And as we all know, if you are a wolf who has imprinted, you turn into a complete love sick bitch. Lucky for me that I would probably never imprint. As I often liked to tell the boys, imprinting was like neutering a dog. It cut off your balls and made you worse than a girl on PMS.

What if he was one of these wierdo's who slept with a girl and then murdered them? What if this guy was a Jack the Ripper wannabe? Did that I mean I was his next victim? Geeze it was almost like those cheesy horror movies where the big chested, no brains, beautiful, blonde valley girls die at the hands of the mysterious, charming, and totally phycho serial killer. Except that I was not blonde, stupid, or from the valley. Also my breasts were 100 percent mine. Other than that, this was pretty much heading into horror movie territory.

I would be damned if I was just going to lay here and let this guy gut me like a fish. I had seen the movie Scream and I knew what happened next. No way was Leah Clearwater going to become the next victim of some freak who got his rocks off by torturing poor defenless women. I may be poor but I was not defenseless. I was a shape shifter for crying outloud! What good were my enchanced senses if they couldn't save me from a mass murderer? Where was a vampire when you needed one? This guy would be an ideal snack for them. It's not like anyone would feel pity for the soul of a killer. I know I wouldn't shed one tear if Bella or her blood drinking family stopped by for a morning snack.

I felt the bed shift as the strange dude buried his face into the pillow. Thankfully he was still asleep but that would not last for long. I looked around my room in panic as I searched for a weapon. See, this is one of those times that you regret not hiding a gun in your closet or having a butcher knife under your pillow. I would even settle for Seth's baseball bat but he had given that to the Cullens when one of theirs shattered in a recent baseball game. Stupid brother of mine. The Cullens could afford to buy new ones if they needed to. If I died because my brother was a leech lover, I would come back to kick his furry little ass.

Finally my eyes landed on my umbrella that was leaning against the wall by my door. I had been planning to go for the lamp but that seemed so over used and way to cliche'd. Besides, the umbrella had a sharp pointed end and it was good for stabbing if I had to. My eyes darted from the umbrella to the back of my would be killers head. He had dark hair that was longer than most guys hair but short enough that he wouldn't be mistaken for a hippie.

I was calculating the risk of making a move for the umbrella. There was two options that I could choose from. I could either risk going for my make shift weapon and wake him up in the process. If he got to me before I got to the umbrella, I was surely dead, or severly handicaped in a fight. He looked like a big guy under the blanket. So if I risked moving and he awoke I was dead. But option two was that I stay in bed, wait for him to wake up and pretend to be asleep as he kills me. Either option it seemed like my death was around the corner. Damnit, those were not good choices to choose from. Can't there be a third option where I just close my eyes, click my heals together like Dorthy did in the Wizard of Oz and end up sending this freak some place that wasn't my home?

I finally decided to take the risk of waking him. I was hoping that he had drank even more of the evil substance that was alchohol than I did. if he did, he may wake up disoriented and that would give me a fighting chance. Ever so slowly I put my feet on the floor and gently raise my body off the bed. I was chanting the mantra, 'Don't wake up, don't wake, please on all that is holy, don't wake up.' So far it seemed to be working pretty well.

When he didn't wake up I took that as a signal to move forward. I cringe when the floor boards creek. Stupid old creaky house! Did it want to see me die a gory death? Maybe it was pay back for punching a hole in it's wall after I learned that Sam and Emily were getting married.

I continued forward when I realized that my bed buddy hadn't even stirred. Thank god for heavy sleepers. When I finally made it to the door I contemplated running out the door and out of the house. Then I realized that I was naked and I was already the main target of gossip on the reservation as it was. I really didn't want to give the gossip gals anything else to talk about. Surely me running naked threw La Push would be the perfect excuse to talk about me. Running was obviously out of the question then.

I picked up the umbrella and turned back towards the bed where the guy still slept. And he was snoring rather loudly. I was glad that Seth and mom weren't home. I was never happier that mom had married and moved in with Charlie Swan. Seth was sleeping over at the Cullens and for once I was grateful. If they had been here they would have either been attacked by this man whom I am convinced is a crazy serial killer, or they would have lectured me about bringing a strange man home. Possibly they would lecture me before being hacked to peices. Knowing my luck it would have been both.

Finally set on my plan, I nodded once to myself before lunging at the bed and letting out a battle cry so fierce that my ansestors would be envious. "Aieee!" I brought the umbrella down over my head and watched as it collided with the male body that was it's target.

The man occupying the bed sat up with such a start that he fell off the bed. I did not let that stop me as bound over the bed and continued smacking him with my new bestfriend. "That will teach" Smack! "you to try and take advantage" Wack! "of a woman!" Smack, bang, slam! "Did you really think that you could just kill me? ME? Leah Clearwater doesn't go down that easy!" I continued hitting him repeatedly with the umbrella. My poor little weapon seemed to be taking the abuse the worst. The metal part at the top was bent and I had a feeling that it would never open the right way again.

"Wha-Ow! Ouch! Hey! Damnit! Stop beating me up Leah!" A deep husky voice spoke out to me.

I frowned as I lowered my weapon and really looked at my unknown bed buddy, finally realizing that he wasn't unknown. I knew this person very well. To well in fact. Now I knew who it was, I wished it had been a deranged serial killer. "Jake?"

The man in question sat up and blinked a couple of times. "Well I-"

I was quick to cut him off. "What are you doing in my House? What are you doing in my room? What are you doing in my bed?"

He sighed and ran a hand threw his hair. "Well I am in your house because that is where your room is, and I am in your room because that is where your bed is. I don't think you need me to tell you why I was in your bed. It's quite obvious isn't it?"

I was confused for a moment until i saw him looking me up and down. Looking down I realized I was naked and shot off floor, over the bed, and across the room. I grabbed the sheet and wrapped it around my body. I don't know why I bothered with the covers now. It wasn't like he had not seen it all before. I shrieked when he stood up, completely naked as well and tossed him my pink fuzzy bathrobe. He raised his eyebrow at me but slipped it on over his shoulders.

"What the hell happened last night?" I demanded in a harsh tone.

What the fuck had I drank last night? There was no way I could have slept with Jacob Black! First of all it was Jacob Black and secondly, no wait a second, there was second reason. The fact that it was Jacob should be enough. I could not fathom why I would have done this with Jake. He was my friend and my Alpha. He was not my boyfriend or my lover. Well I think he is my lover now. Does a one night stand with Jacob make him my lover? I groaned as I rubbed my aching skull. This was all just a little bit to much for me to take in right now. I was waiting for the Twilight Zone theme to start any time.

"You know what happened Leah. You may have been drunk and it's probably fuzzy in some parts, but you know what happened. You don't need me to say it. Unless your hoping for a repeat performance?" Jake stood there with a smirk on his features.

That arrogant pup! How dare he have the nerve to _smirk _at _me? _Just because we- we had an intimate moment together, it did not mean I would suddenly act like a love struck fool. I was still Leah Clearwater damnit! Dropping the sheet, I climbed over the bed until I was face to face with my Alpha. "You listen here Jacob Black and you listen good. I don't care what happened between us. If you think that I am going to turn into Bella and pine after you like she did for the leech, your dead wrong." I snarled in his face as I leaned in close. "I won't be a replacement for the demon spawn. I may not remember last night clearly, but I am pretty sure what we had last night was a pity fuck."

Bringing up Renesmee was a very stupid move on my part. My alpha had almost died from the heartbreak when she chose the other half leech as her mate instead of him. He had actually reminded me of myself and how I had been when Sam first left me. His despair had been so similiar to mine that I'd almost killed the stupid half thing who dared cause him pain like that. Renesmee was just like her leech loving whore of a mother. The demon spawn didn't fall far from the tree. I bet Jake wished he had let me kill Bella like I'd wanted to all those years ago. Life would've been so much easier without Isabella 'leech lover extradanaire' Swan-Cullen around.

His eyes clouded over in anger. "Pity fuck? Pity fuck?" He stepped forwards backing me into the wall with each step. "Let's get one thing straight Clearwater, Jacob Black doesn't need or want anyone's pity. If anyone got the pity fuck, it was you. It's been what? Six years or more since Sam? Have you ever thought that maybe it was you who should pitied?" When my back hit the wall, it did not stop Jake from pressing his body into mine. Even when I slapped him, he still did not move away from me or flinch. It was like he hadn't felt the slap at all. "Ness wanted Nahuel and I'm fine with that. Unlike Sam, I didn't turn into a bitch when I imprinted."

"That could be debated." I snapped at him.

I wouldn't show any fear even though I was scared shitless. I wasn't scared of Jacob because it was _Jacob _after all. No, what scared me was how turned on by him I was. When the hell had that happened? Sure we were friends, the best of friends actually. Still, being friends didn't mean it was ok to sleep with my alpha. He imprinted on the bloodsuckers demon spawn. Even if she didn't want him, he would always want her first and formost. I would not allow myself to be a replacement for her. I was better than her. I was better than second best and I deserved to be someones first choice, not their second.

"Your so stupid Leah, did you know that?" Jake was glaring down at me. He placed one hand beside my head on the wall. "Your so _easy _to read Clearwater. Your thinking that I used you to forget her. Your thinking I will always want her first." He lowered his head so his lips were brushing against mine when he spoke. "Your wrong you know. It wasn't always her I'll want first because she was never who I wanted first. It was always you. It will _always _be you. Your the only girl I have always wanted Leah, but I'll never be your first choice will I? We both know the only reason you fucked me was because of Sam. You wanted to hurt him and the best way to do that was by sleeping with me. When you joined my pack and became my beta, it broke something in him. You liked hurting Sam and that is why you chose me to get physical comfort from. I'll always be more of a man than Sam and you know it Leah."

For a few minutes I was to stunned to speak. Was he fucking stupid? "Are you fucking stupid? Great theory you have there oh mighty alpha. Your wrong this time. If I wanted to hurt Sam I would have fucked Paul or the Hulk wannabe Cullen, Emmett. I know everyone in the pack seems to think that I'm not a woman, but others do notice you know. I have had many offers and I promise you, I sure as hell have had better offers than you."

"Then why did you choose me?" He continued before I had a chance to reply. "Don't say it was because you were drunk. You may have been tipsy but you still knew what you were doing. Or better yet, who you were doing."

I sneered at him. "Why don't you tell me since you seem to have all the answers almighty one."

He leaned down even closer. "You liked being my bitch."

Suprising myself, I laughed. "If anyone is a bitch, your my bitch Black." I ran my tongue over his lower lip. "When it comes to the bedroom, I'll always be the alpha." After saying those words, I shoved him away from he and headed towards the door.

"Where are you going? We are not finished here Clearwater." It had taken him a moment to gather his clothes in one hand before he tried to follow me.

I rolled my eyes at him. "I'm taking a shower. If you want to continue your little rant your going to have to join me." I sighed when he stared at me in confusion. Looking towards the ceiling, I threw my hands into the air. "Why did I get stuck with the stupid one?" Lowering my eyes once more, I smirked at him. "I'm going to have to start training you if I'm gonna be stuck with you. I suppose I'll have to buy Scooby snacks?"

When he didn't reply, I simply shrugged before exiting my room and making a dash for the bathroom. As I turned on the hot water I felt warm hands encircle my waist. I twisted my head around to look at Jacob. He may big and a bit slow, but he was mine. Imprinting didn't always win out it seemed. If _she, _better known as the devils hell spawn, ever tried to take him back...I would show her why she should fear the big bad wolf.

**AN: I hope you all liked this one-shot. I found myself becoming a Blackwater fan and I love writing about them which suprised me since I don't always like Jake that much. This story is only a one-shot, though I may eventually do a sequel or a longer Blackwater. I hope you liked it. By the way, The last line I had to write because I had the song, 'Whose afraid of the big bad wolf' by B5 stuck in my head. For some reason I now love that song. If you haven't heard it, listen to it. When I listen to it, it reminds me of Leah, Jake, and Paul. You can be sure that if in the future I write more wolf pack stories, this song will be a big part of the inspiration. Writing Leah stories is alot of fun for me because since I am a shy person, I can make Leah do all the stuff I would never do. Characters like Leah are what make writing worth it.**

**As I said, I liked writing Blackwater and you will probably see some more from me in the future. The chemistry between them is undeniable and I hate both Nessie and Bella. I don't think either of them were good enough for Jake. I don't think Bella was good enough for Edward either. James should have just snapped her neck and saved both guys alot of heartache. Or Leah should have gone all super wolf on her and killed her in anger...we could blame it on Sam. Sam's being a heartless douche bag drove her to killing Bella...Three cheers for Leah if you think it should have happened that way! *Looks around* Or it could be only me who feels that way...**


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